i just wasted like, 10 minutes.
Friday, June 24, 2011
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Camp Auntie Kate: Pt. 3
Nephew: (Bounds down the stairs giggling hysterically)
Me: Were you visiting the bunny?
Nephew: Yeah! And he was playing with his tiger like this! And he jumped on him like this! And his tail was going like this! (proceeds to imitate the bunny humping a stuffed tiger while making a high-pitched screeching noise)
Me: Were you visiting the bunny?
Nephew: Yeah! And he was playing with his tiger like this! And he jumped on him like this! And his tail was going like this! (proceeds to imitate the bunny humping a stuffed tiger while making a high-pitched screeching noise)
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Camp Auntie Kate: Pt. 2
Me: So do you think your mom will let you come back and visit us again?
Nephew: No. You took me to a bar.
Me: That wasn't a bar. That was a restaurant.
Nephew: It was a bar. And you smell like beer.
Me: (silently questioning how many drinks I need to confuse a restaurant with a bar. Didn't I order him a piece of chocolate cake? That never came to the table?)
Nephew: No. You took me to a bar.
Me: That wasn't a bar. That was a restaurant.
Nephew: It was a bar. And you smell like beer.
Me: (silently questioning how many drinks I need to confuse a restaurant with a bar. Didn't I order him a piece of chocolate cake? That never came to the table?)
Monday, June 20, 2011
Camp Auntie Kate: Pt. 1
We've had my 9-year-old nephew staying with us over the weekend. This post is deserving of a few qualifiers: we are the derelict aunt and uncle of the family; we don't have our own kids yet; and we have no idea what to do with them or how to talk to them appropriately. Hence the following conversation:
Nephew (petting our bunny): Bunnies are soft. I wonder if people make coats out of them.
Me: They do. They kill them and make coats out of them.
Nephew (looking sad): But they let them get old and die and then make coats out of them?
Me: Hahahaa...no. That's totally inefficient. Bunnies live, like, 7 or 8 years. They just let them get full grown and then kill them.
Nephew: Can't they just shave them?
Me: They make coats out of lots of animals. Do you know how much it costs to keep bunnies alive for 7 or 8 years? It's life in the big city.
Nephew:(looks forlornly at bunny and hugs him frequently for the rest of the day)
Nephew (petting our bunny): Bunnies are soft. I wonder if people make coats out of them.
Me: They do. They kill them and make coats out of them.
Nephew (looking sad): But they let them get old and die and then make coats out of them?
Me: Hahahaa...no. That's totally inefficient. Bunnies live, like, 7 or 8 years. They just let them get full grown and then kill them.
Nephew: Can't they just shave them?
Me: They make coats out of lots of animals. Do you know how much it costs to keep bunnies alive for 7 or 8 years? It's life in the big city.
Nephew:
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Coccidiosis
When your chicken starts pooping blood, the last thing you should look up is "chicken bloody poop." Ew.
Honestly, I don't understand how these chickens are still alive. Between eye infections and raccoon attacks and coccidiosis, I would think that standing upright and eating dandelions would be out of the question. But the wonderful thing about the questionable ooze constantly dripping out of their various orifices is that I've stopped panicking. No longer do I phone the farm animal vet in Batavia when I notice my chickens' toes aren't pointing in the right direction. I resist the urge to rocket to the nearest Tractor Supply for antibiotics when my chickens' poo is less consistent than cheese grits. By the time we have kids, I imagine they'll have to show up with a teeth sticking out of their foreheads before I take them to the hospital.
Friday, June 10, 2011
just hand over the diploma
Perhaps I'm jinxing this by writing when I still have about 36 hours left before I'm home, but for the last three weeks I have successfully avoided having to poop in the dorm bathroom while other people are in there. I feel like if I've ever wanted to accomplish something in my life, that was it.
I did not, however, avoid eating meat for the last three weeks, as I found the dorm cafeteria very confusing.
I did not, however, avoid eating meat for the last three weeks, as I found the dorm cafeteria very confusing.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
I'm not cut out for college
I feel like a lot of my blog posts either begin or end with me in hysterics. This one is no different.
About a week and a half ago, I boarded a plane for Minnesota. I'm starting a graduate program, and had to come up here for three weeks to get down and dirty with some qualitative analysis and quality improvement classes. The other super duper fun thing I get to do is live in a dorm. Might I also mention I'm 27 and have never lived with anyone other than my parents or my husband. Aside from that family I lived with as an exchange student, but they sort of left me in the basement with the slugs for a year so I'm not sure if that counts.
Anyway, in preparing for my first day of classes, I find out that I literally have to cross the Mississippi River to get to the classroom. Not disregarding that University of Minnesota's campus is mind-boggingly huge, I should have recognized that this was not going to turn out well. Public transportation and I have not typically gotten along well (exhibit A: lawn mower boat that took me to my hotel in Guatemala).
I didn't, much to Mitch's dismay, pile some pioneers on a raft and attempt to ford the river while my family all gets typhoid and/or drowns after we hit some rocks in shallow water (he still doesn't believe that I've ever beat Oregon's Trail). No no, I decided to be pragmatic and take the campus shuttle. After getting progressively sweatier and panickier for about 45 minutes while waiting for the shuttle THAT NEVER CAME, I lit'rally started running into traffic sob-screaming into my phone at Mitch to help me find a cab company after Goog411 failed me. I'VE WORKED TOO HARD AND WAITED TOO LONG FOR THIS!!!
Finally, I bawled to some lady on the phone who went a poor cab driver to drive my pathetic ass to my first class. Don't worry, I tipped him well. Then, of course, I had to navigate the West Bank of the campus, which entailed me spastically running up and down stairs around corners and back and forth through hallways until I found the registration table. I made it. With three minutes to spare.
Anyway, turns out that due to construction for a light rail system, most of the shuttle stops are null and void for the summer. Damn green initiatives. Otherwise, I have adjusted well since that horrific experience (for me and the people standing at the bus stop with me). Dorm food isn't so bad. I've learned how to get around pretty well. I've even made friends! Kinda. And none of this would have been possible were I not allowed to drink in my room.
About a week and a half ago, I boarded a plane for Minnesota. I'm starting a graduate program, and had to come up here for three weeks to get down and dirty with some qualitative analysis and quality improvement classes. The other super duper fun thing I get to do is live in a dorm. Might I also mention I'm 27 and have never lived with anyone other than my parents or my husband. Aside from that family I lived with as an exchange student, but they sort of left me in the basement with the slugs for a year so I'm not sure if that counts.
Anyway, in preparing for my first day of classes, I find out that I literally have to cross the Mississippi River to get to the classroom. Not disregarding that University of Minnesota's campus is mind-boggingly huge, I should have recognized that this was not going to turn out well. Public transportation and I have not typically gotten along well (exhibit A: lawn mower boat that took me to my hotel in Guatemala).
I didn't, much to Mitch's dismay, pile some pioneers on a raft and attempt to ford the river while my family all gets typhoid and/or drowns after we hit some rocks in shallow water (he still doesn't believe that I've ever beat Oregon's Trail). No no, I decided to be pragmatic and take the campus shuttle. After getting progressively sweatier and panickier for about 45 minutes while waiting for the shuttle THAT NEVER CAME, I lit'rally started running into traffic sob-screaming into my phone at Mitch to help me find a cab company after Goog411 failed me. I'VE WORKED TOO HARD AND WAITED TOO LONG FOR THIS!!!
Finally, I bawled to some lady on the phone who went a poor cab driver to drive my pathetic ass to my first class. Don't worry, I tipped him well. Then, of course, I had to navigate the West Bank of the campus, which entailed me spastically running up and down stairs around corners and back and forth through hallways until I found the registration table. I made it. With three minutes to spare.
Anyway, turns out that due to construction for a light rail system, most of the shuttle stops are null and void for the summer. Damn green initiatives. Otherwise, I have adjusted well since that horrific experience (for me and the people standing at the bus stop with me). Dorm food isn't so bad. I've learned how to get around pretty well. I've even made friends! Kinda. And none of this would have been possible were I not allowed to drink in my room.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)