Tuesday, December 21, 2010

No thank you.

I'm pretty green. I have a rain barrel and plant an organic heirloom garden and buy used clothes and whatnot. I have also gotten into the habit of printing on scrap paper at work. Typically, this does not cause me problems. Occasionally my boss shoots me side-eye when she notices there's a discarded Groupon on the back of an abstract I've handed her, but overall she doesn't mind. Unfortunately, I recently made the mistake of asking a coworker for a stack of her scrap paper when I ran out.

It wasn't until the committee meeting, after I had passed around a section of a manual I had been writing, that I noticed on the back of the last page was product information for lube from Pure Romance. "Product Resources: Silicone Based Lubricant," it shouts. The first line of the information saying something about vaginal health and lasting longer during love-making. Apparently, my coworker's "home-based business" is not so home-based. At least I know where to go if I need a strap-on.

Monday, December 13, 2010

walk of shame

It's the Monday after the department Christmas party. Everyone's looking a little cautious. Some people drank too much, some people talked too loud, and more importantly, some people danced. In public. In front of their coworkers.

Socializing with your coworkers can give you a rare glimpse at their true selves, particularly when you give them some free booze and play some Ke$ha. Now I think we're all wondering what other people saw and mostly what they remember. Hopefully no one took pictures.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

I love you, Verizon. I hate you.

Things had been going so well between us, that I decided to renew my contract with you. I felt so optimistic about our future together, but then something went wrong. First, you played with my emotions by sending me a free phone. Then you charged me $320 for the phone. Then you grovelled and gave me my money back, but I discovered that you had reduced our contract from two years down to one. I can't figure out if you want me or not. Did I say something? Was it that time I checked out the iPhone at the mall? I swear, it was nothing serious. WE WERE JUST TALKING!