Wednesday, August 25, 2010

never-ending (allergy) story

So back when this vocal cord cyst bullshit started, my team of doctors (including, but not limited to, my PCP, two speech therapists, an ENT and a surgeon) decided that we needed to figure out why I got cysts in the first place. I said, "duh. I'm the loudest mother-f***er at the party." They said, "no, you're allergic to everything." Fine, whatever. At least my social life doesn't have to end.
Anyway, this led to several prescriptions, many cameras being stuck down my nose and into my throat, and two rounds of allergy testing. I was told that I should rip up all the carpeting in my house, put a bed condom on my mattress, and get rid of my curtains. Further, Nasonex was simply not enough, so I was put on a second environmental allergy medication called Xyzal.
One fateful night, I went to a party celebrating the 10th anniversary of one of those married friends we have, and I had a couple, nay...several (pitchers of) margaritas. Needless to say, I was largely unproductive the next day. Part of the unproductivity came from the fact that I was glued to the toilet for most of it. I blamed it on guacamole and tequila. Unfortunately, almost two weeks later, I had still not come unglued, and began to wonder if the tequila had ripped a permanent hole in my sigmoid colon. Enter doctor, who, based on the fact that I hadn't been to a third world country recently, I'm still relatively mobile, and I haven't eaten a dog turd in the last few weeks, decided that I was allergic to Xyzal. ALLERGIC TO MY ALLERGY MEDICINE. F this S. So now I'm taking acidophilus twice a day and yogurt at every meal. Which I'm allergic to.

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