14 weeks.

So you (some of you) asked for it. Belly pics. I had no intention of ever taking any pictures of my belly, and this is why. I choke in front of the camera. I make stupid faces and feel ridiculous every time I get my picture taken.

I have this other friend who's pregnant, we'll call her Shannon, because that's her name. Her husband's a photographer by trade. He has a nice camera, which doesn't hurt, but Shannon's like, also really beautiful, and extremely photogenic. I suppose if a photographer decides to marry you, you are probably photogenic. She looks like Amanda Seyfried with this little belly. Anyway, she takes these really adorable belly pics every week, and she always looks relaxed and happy and glowing. I look constipated (which I was in this pic, thanks to the Comet's burritos) and a little drunk (which I wasn't, thanks to the Snorkel in my belly). But this is true for most of my pictures.

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

So as you can see, I should never document any of this. But I think some of you have this evil plan to get me to post all of these pictures, and then you're going to show them to my ex-boyfriends or something and be like, "aren't you glad you jumped off that sinking ship?!" Or they're going to end up in a slide show at my 20 year high school reunion. So just to get back at you, I'm going to post gloriously horrendous birth photos, and describe my birth story in graphic detail. You're welcome.