Friday, July 23, 2010


So there's a facebook movie coming out. Lame.

Anyway, today, while I was facebook stalking people after my officemate left, and I no longer felt obligated to work, I deduced (deducted?) that one of my friends/acquaintances/people-from-high-school-I-don't-really-care-about-but-give-full-access-to-my-profile-so-they-can-be-jealous-of-how-awesome-my-life-is got divorced. Why else would one un-hyphenate one's name and remove all traces of a spouse from a profile? It's tragic, really. How terrible that I find these things out when I have no emotional attachment to this person. Certainly she didn't want to have to share that part of her life with even those people whom it doesn't concern. I mean really, if I suddenly went back to my maiden name, everyone on facebook and myspace would for sure notice the addition of seven consonants and the removal of all vowels from my last name. And then there would be speculative whispers and pity and guessing and no one would ever feel bold enough to ask or offer condolences, because in reality you shouldn't have known I was married to begin with. You didn't go to the wedding, you didn't even get an announcement, you probably didn't offer congratulations because let's be honest, you probably didn't really care. But it's okay! You don't have to maintain a moderate level of interest in everyone you've ever met. So after that awkward discovery, I have decided to cleanse my friends list.

Other awkward things I have learned about people I shouldn't be friends with:
  • You got fake boobs sometime after high school
  • You quit your job to be a musician/artist/writer and you're bad at it (I hope no one says that about me)
  • You have ugly kids
  • You have illegitimate kids with other people I know
  • You're gay (seriously, were you the only person who didn't know?)
  • You just got out of rehab
  • You're a Juggalo/Juggalette
  • You're conservative

1 comment:

  1. I usually find FB incredibly depressing or sometimes a great self-confidence boost, depending on how much weight "friends" have gained.