Monday, July 12, 2010

I love lists

Apparently this blog has started to revolve around the things that are wrong with me. In conjunction with all my vocal cord problems, one major issue is that I'm a really bad throat-clearer. I'm plegmy like, always. It's thwarting any progress I've been making in speech therapy because I'm always inflamed, so my doc ordered food allergy testing. They injected like, 40 little pockets of crud under my skin to see if they caused a reaction. You know it's never a good sign when your nurse looks at your bubbly itchy arm and exclaims, "whoa, how are you eating anything?!"

Here's a list of things that my body only kind of hates:
  • Chicken
  • Eggs
  • Pork
  • Apples
  • Oranges
  • White grapes
  • Peanuts
  • Rice
  • Rye
  • Chocolate
  • Coffee
  • Tea
  • Green Beans
  • Broccoli
  • Carrot
  • Tomatoes
  • White Potatoes
  • Black Pepper
  • Cayenne Pepper
  • Garlic
  • Onions
  • Mushrooms
Here are the things that coat my throat in a suffocating layer of mucous:
  • Turkey
  • Coconut
  • Almonds
  • Barley
  • Malt
  • Milk
  • Soybeans
  • Corn
  • Lettuce
  • Cinnamon
  • Safflower
And the thing that made my arm bubble up like a Canadian tar pit: Wheat. I am, fortunately, not allergic to beef, bananas, blueberries, lemons, oats, and yeast. Yay. The nurse refused to do the environmental allergy testing because she didn't want to send me into anaphylactic shock, seeing as how I'm allergic to, well, nature. But here's my question: how does someone like me even enter the world? It seems maladaptive that a human like myself would be born into a world like this, when I am seemingly intolerant to most things in the environment (except for mold. I'm strangely not allergic to mold. I'm apparently designed to live amongst amoebas). Nonetheless, I've been living this long on a diet of coffee, toast, macaroni, and red wine, so clearly it's not a life or death situation. Anyway, when I got home I celebrated by having a red velvet cupcake with cream cheese icing. Yummers.

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