Wednesday, January 12, 2011

The price of vanity


I drink a lot of coffee, tea, and red wine. I'm also vain and don't want my teeth to look like this:But I'm not willing to give up the Three Sisters. NOOOOOOOOo no no no no. The only thing that keeps me from punching my coworkers in the morning is coffee, and the only thing that keeps me from crying myself to sleep at night is wine. Plus it's cheaper than therapy and benzodiazepines.

Anyway, I decided I needed to whiten my teeth a little, and bought me some of those chemical-ly plastic strips at the drug store. Totally in conflict with my hippie-ness, I know, but who says hippies have to have butter teefs? So I put these things on my teeth last night for 30 minutes, and this morning, I can't even open my mouth when outdoors. The light winter wind hitting my dentes feels like my dental pulp is fully exposed to the elements. And might I point out, that with the wind chill it feels like 15 degrees F outside? Oh lord, and then I made the mistake of biting into an apple. NEVER AGAIN. I think I'm just gonna try to get famous so I can afford veneers.

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